I have a present for you!

What if I told you I had a present for you?

Better yet…

What if I told you that you had the present inside you the whole time???

Yes, you must be skeptical.

Allow me to explain:

As an Empath, I have spent my entire life navigating through basic life, regular struggles, bouts of depression, jealousy, a very negative mind and so on.

Any of my descriptions hit home for you? Probably. You’re human. The likelihood of you experiencing one if not more of these descriptions is pretty darn likely.

In life (and on my blog), you often hear people (definitely motivational speakers of sorts) talk about the importance of your mindset. Influential people have spent soooo much time setting you up to learn how to think in a positive way. All of that’s valid.

SKIPPING AHEAD—

How many times have you heard someone tell you to be present?

How many times have you heard that yoga helps with being present?

How many times have you heard that meditation helps you with being present?

How many times have you either thought of these things, or attempted them and decided they are not for you?

If you are like me, you wonder how in the heck people are “present”.

#Liveinthemoment #Present #Being

*Above are just some examples of what people who are present may or may not hashtag on social media*

Back at it:

For the longest time I thought of the idea of being “present” but could not entirely grasp the concept. Sometimes I honestly felt like it was made up.

Then I bought “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle

I’m not even finished, but WOW. I’ll say it again WOW.

Never ever in my life have I even begun to understand what “being present” is.

---

UNTIL NOW

The best way I can explain is by sharing 2 sections from the story that have just absolutely fruitly stood out to me

 

OUR SELF OBSESSION WITH TIME IS THE PROBLEM.

We are either constantly reflecting on the past (constantly choosing to relive trauma)

OR
We are constantly looking forward to the future

All we ever have is NOW. The stress, negativity, anxiety, overwhelm etc… that we carry with ourselves, is due solely to our obsession with past events or our obsession with POSSIBLE future events.

When we are thinking about the past or thinking about the future, we ROB ourselves of existing in the present.

When you are stressed about an upcoming deadline, you are stressed because you are thinking about the future.

When you are reliving a trauma from earlier in life, you are depressed because you are thinking of the past.

NONE OF THESE FEELINGS EXIST IN THE PRESENT.

You can actually rid yourself of all your problems by choosing to be in the present.

---

You can’t fix the past. You can’t project yourself into the future and solve “anticipated problems”.

What you CAN do is live in the NOW.

Our jobs as human beings are to ultimately EVOLVE- meaning we will always be growing.

There is no “EPITOME” in life to be reaching for. If you are never present, you will never be happy when you reach the “EPITOME”. You will just aspire for a new “EPITOME”.

“Life isn’t about getting their, it’s about being here”-ME

You will never be happy with life if you are constantly trying to get “out of here” and “get somewhere different”. A change of scenery, a new job, new people, more money will not make you content; enlightenment and existing in the present will make you full.

You have to change HOW you exist; new experiences cannot change the WAY you exist, they only change WHAT you exist.

The present I bestow upon you for reading my blog is just that, THE PRESENT!

Think about what you are doing now. Whenever you get stressed or worried, ask yourself is anything wrong right in this moment? Probably not. Nothing is wrong when we are present.

Gifting you your present,

Shelby

Have any questions? Leave me a comment, I’ll be sure to get back to you in a timely manner:)

 

 

Lets do a check in!

How are you?

I haven’t posted in over a week because I didn’t feel like I had anything important to share or anything that I felt I could artfully orchestrate into words.

How am I doing?

Well I decided to write this blog post today because I have been severely not productive today. A little over a week ago, I started the big “Celery Juice” phenomenon (which is basically just drinking straight Celery Juice every morning for its anti-inflammatory and digestive benefits). At the beginning of the year, I started journaling twice a day (once when I woke up and once right before I went to bed). To cap it all off, I also started being intentional about my morning routine; setting my alarm and putting my phone across the room so I couldn’t hit snooze, waking up almost an hour earlier than I normally would etc…)

Today, I feel not productive because I chose to do none of the things listed above. Let me  tell you, it has made a big impact on my day. Since making my morning changes, I have seen a shift in the way I see the world and my ability to be present with the world. I’m naturally someone who can get easily irritated in the morning and then I let it ruin my whole day. When I have been intentional about my morning routine, my mind has shifted in a completely different way and I feel ready to take on the day. Even when I have something that irritates me or bothers me, I still have a good day.

Today hasn’t been necessarily one of those days. I use the word necessarily because even though my day as been out of funk up until now, it is in my control what and how I choose to do/see with the rest of my day.

If you are wondering, yes I am still participating in Mel Robbins’ #MindsetReset free 35 program found on http://www.melrobbins.com/mindsetreset. This has played a big role in my growing since the beginning of the year. It was through Mel’s coaching that I decided to change up my morning routine for the better; let me tell you, it has worked. Also from the very beginning, the work and content she has taught me has played a big role in the work with my students that I do. To be completely honest, I knew a lot of the things already that she’s talked about, but she has been able to explain the science behind the behaviors and given me the easiest most profound language to use when using these practices. I still strongly suggest you become part of this program.

Today I am here to make a PSA. It’s okay if things don’t go planned. It’s okay if you fall off the band wagon every once in a while. I find it actually more unhealthy if you set expectations that don’t give you any wiggle room. In the future I am going to do an entire post devoted to expectation setting and all the pitfalls associated.

For today, you need to take ownership of small successes and take ownership of your mindset. Your day will be whatever you think it will be. Your behaviors will be reflective of what you think. If you are feeling bad about yourself right now, stop reading my blog and go do something for yourself. Read a book, take a bath, cook, exercise etc… do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better and set yourself on track.

Tomorrow morning I will be getting up at 4:50 am, writing in my journal, learning the new lesson from A Course in Miracles and making my celery juice in my juicer. Also tomorrow, I am going to continue to be a deliberate thinker so that my actions will reflect positive thinking.

So tell me, what are you going to do to get yourself back on track? How are you planning to be successful tomorrow?

Showering you with positive energy,

Shelby

Side note: If you are looking for a new read, I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”. I have just started and read two chapters and I love it so far.

 

Reset Your Mind = Reset Your Life

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you can’t get out of your own way?

I definitely have; most of my life in fact.

Would you like the opportunity to change the trajectory of your life?

If so, what I’m about to share is for YOU!!!!

Before I begin, I just want to put it out their that this is not a paid advertisement and I will credit all my information so I don’t get in trouble.

I have a name for you- MEL ROBBINS. Chances are maybe you’ve heard of her, maybe not. Her Ted Talk has garnered over 17 million views and her book titled “The 5 Second Rule” is an international best-seller.

So what’s Mel up to?

Mel has graciously offered a free 35 day guided program called #MINDSETRESET.  The objective of this free course is to help participants gain control of their thinking because if YOU can grab control of your thinking, YOU can LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.

How to get started?

Go to: http://www.melrobbins.com/mindsetreset to sign up for the program. Again, it is FREE.

You will then download a guide called Mindset Reset 2019. This guide serves as a reflection on your 2018 year and your launching pad for this new year.

After you are done filling out your guide, you can watch all the training videos Mel has done so far. Then with each new day, you will receive a new email from Mel debriefing that days training and a video to go a long with it.

As Mel says “this is not a race”, so don’t worry if you’re just joining or you don’t have time to dedicate every day to your Mindset Reset, it’s OK. Do it at your own pace. You can always refer back to your emails at any given time; plus, all of Mel’s trainings can be found on YouTube in a playlist if you search Mel Robbins Mindset Reset.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mel+robbins+mindset+reset

As of right now, over 240,000 people from all over the world are doing this program. Wow!

Since Mel has worked really hard on this program, I am not going to go into detail about what is covered because I want you to participate in the program yourself instead of looking for a summary from me. So below I am going to list a few things that I have learned so far so that you know what really stuck out to me.

1. The Reticular Activating System. One of the most interesting things that I have learned, EVER.
2. YOUR BRAIN CAN’T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN IMAGINARY AND REAL PEOPLE. Let that sink in.
3. The Power of Visualization
4. Limiting Beliefs vs. Deliberate Thinking
5. How much your phone is dictating your life
6. How snoozing the alarm harms our ability each day
7. How vital our morning routines are

If you are upset that I’m not giving you a quick rundown of the information it’s because I really want you to access the program through http://www.melrobbins.com/mindsetreset

I have been going through a lot of growth the last 2 years and have been doing several self studies and reading a lot but I still KNOW this program is an absolute game changer. Mel’s work is awesome too, in the fact that everything she teaches is backed in science; skeptics beware, there is no reason to be a skeptic anymore.

Live a shitty life? Want to change your life? Sick of being in a negative space all the time? You want to chase after your dreams?

DO THE WORK IN MINDSET RESET. YOUR MIND AND YOUR WAY OF THINKING ARE THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOU BACK.

Here’s what I know:

Everyone wants things for their life.

Why don’t more people get what they want out of their life?

They are afraid.

Why?

Growing means getting out of your comfort zone, doing things you have never done before, looking at things from a different perspective.

People like knowing what to expect and as much as we dream, we are often too scared to leave our predictable, safe life. No matter how you live, there is always a sense of safety in predictability and knowing what to expect. It doesn’t matter what you are experiencing, change is hard and some would rather stay in their hell whole because they are used to it. Growing means taking responsibility for our lives instead of blaming others for what we don’t have.

I will share ONE quick principle from Mel’s training about limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are beliefs that you have about yourself that limit you in some way, shape, or form. Classic Examples: “I’m not good enough!” “I’m not smart enough!” etc…

We all have one. Whether we like to admit it or not. If you are like me, you may have several.

Mel poses important questions in regards to those limiting beliefs:

1. What has your limiting belief cost you in the past?
2. What is your limiting belief costing you now?
3. If you stay the way you are, what will your limiting beliefs cost you in the future?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THINK ABOUT THESE QUESTIONS

To reiterate, I am not a paid spokesperson; I have yet to establish notoriety of any sort, most days I don’t know if anyone actually reads my blog. But I hope you do!

I can say from personal experience, that this program is really helping me. I’ve done a lot of work in the last few years and I’m still learning new things from Mel each day. I have even done the Mindset Reset with 3 of my 5 classes. It’s really simple and to the point.

Also, Mel is amazing because she takes questions and answers from live viewers that are SUPER helpful.

Honestly, I could go on and on about this program. I’m sure I’ll find something later that I wish I had included but it’ll all work out in the end as long as you join the program with me 🙂

Before I go, I want to share a couple quotes directly from Mel;

• Don’t be down on yourself for past mistakes or past ways of thinking; chalk it all up to “I did the best I could”
• “There is no right way to do life”

 

The most lovely thing Mel does is at the end of each training video; she tells viewers that “in case no one has told you today, I love you and I believe in you”. It is such a sweet sentiment to end each training with.

Reset Your Mind! Go live your life!

Shelby

Mel and her team would love to hear from you and see the work you are doing so if you post your work use the hashtag #mindsetreset

 

Want to hear more from Mel?

Follow her social media accounts below

instagram.com/melrobbinslive

twitter.com/melrobbins

facebook.com/melrobbins 

Interested in Mel’s Ted Talk? Check it out below:

 

 

 

New Year, New Word!

Have you ever tried to define your goals for the upcoming year in one word?

Me neither.

I was messaging a friend last night and she told me that her word for 2019 is going to be “balance”. I thought that it was absolutely lovely that she had a word like that. It got me thinking that I wanted a word. Then I stopped. I decided not to, because I figured I’d be impulsive and just pick some bull shit word that doesn’t mean anything…

Until… I was on YouTube as one is, and I came across a Ted Talk (*picturing eye rolls as I type this because people either seem to love them or hate them*). The Ted Talk was titled “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown. I’ve heard awesome things about her books and look forward to reading some in the near future. I have to say that this Ted Talk stopped me dead in my tracks. I felt like Brene had my number or something.

Not to get all stupid climatic movie like…but….I did feel like I had an spiritual awakening when I watched this video. One of things that I am not is VULNERABLE! Why? Because I am easily susceptible to shame. I am in constant fear of being shamed so I am not vulnerable. Vulnerable should not be confused with sensitive. You can be sensitive without being vulnerable.

I am fortunate enough in my work, to have come across many empaths. I always wonder what characteristic separates me the most from other empaths. In one word, Vulnerable. It doesn’t make either one of us greater or worse for being vulnerable or not vulnerable, it just is what it is. I have one student who just always puts everything out their and I’m like “damn I want to be like that”. I just found that puzzle piece, they are vulnerable, I am not.

But I can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does one become vulnerable? I don’t have a magic wand that can show you all how to be vulnerable. I do have the ability to show you what being vulnerable looks like for me.

I am going to put the two words Vulnerable + Honest together for the sake of what’s coming next.

This is me being vulnerable and just laying some stuff out there as I feel that me being 100% honest is indicative of me being Vulnerable.

1. I really have a problem with people when they tell me or other people that they are not good enough or that they are not good looking enough or that they should just stick to their day jobs. I follow all these kick ass women on Instagram who are crushing their dreams and I think WHY NOT YOU? WHY NOT ME? STOP BELIEVING IN LIMITATIONS AND STOP TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE LIMITING BELIEFS!!!                                                                                                                                                                         
2.  I want to move away…Out of Vermont. Vermont is not bad. I truly believe that it doesn’t matter what you have, what you do, where you live etc… It’s all about your perspective and your willingness to make the most out of what you have… Vermont is not a bad place, I just want to see more, experience more and different. I want to meet new people and have new opportunities that wouldn’t necessarily be available in Vermont.                                                                                                                   
3. I take real issue with the ME TOO movement. Not that the idea of the movement is bad but hear me out. HOW CAN WE AS NORMAL EVERYDAY CITIZENS COME TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT SOMEONES GUILTINESS VERSUS NON-GUILTINESS WHEN WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET THE PEOPLE INVOLVED? THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL EVER KNOW THE TRUTH ARE THE PEOPLE INVOLVED. IT’S NOT OUR JOBS TO DECIDE OTHERS’ GUILT (UNLESS WE ARE PART OF A JURY)!!! I SYMPATHIZE WITH THOSE WHO ARE VICTIMS AND I SYMPATHIZE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WRONGLY ACCUSED. I THINK WHAT SHOULD COME OUT OF THE ME TOO MOVEMENT IS THE IDEA OF MAKING IT SAFER FOR WOMEN AND MEN TO COME FORWARD WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED SO THAT JUSTICE IS SERVED SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.                                                                                                  
4. I was told when I was 10 that it was a shame that I would never get to wear a bikini because of my stretch marks… I used to directly attach my self worth to my stretch marks. Not anymore. I just wore a bikini for the first time this summer and it was soooo liberating. Don’t let people chuck limiting beliefs your way.                                                                                                                                                                                                
5. I have to do a lot of work around Jealousy. For many years I’ve found myself very jealous of other people. Jealousy is about seeing things in other people that you want for yourself. I have grown a lot when it comes to jealousy and use “used to be” jealousies to help guide me to what I want. Knowing what you want can be hard.                                                                                                                                                                  
6. If I go to bed and the dishes are done and I wake up and there is new dirty dishes. It sets me off. It’s something so simple, yet it bothers me so much. Working on letting it go.                                                                                                                                                   
7. I can’t even begin to explain how much I HATE the idea of “You should do this_______________because your _________________”. Examples Include “You are a woman so you should know how to cook for your future husband.” “Why don’t you have kids yet?” “Why aren’t you married?” I’m not shaming anyone who does any of these things. I’m just extremely sad that as a society we feel the need to follow the same set of “Ideals”. Sorry no. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t want kids until my 30s. I don’t care if you say it’s too old, I just don’t want them yet. I am also in no rush to get married. Why do I want to get married now and then get divorced five years later? I have a very big belief in the idea that before we can form a life lasting relationship, we have to be full ourselves. We can’t go into relationships looking for completeness. Sorry to break it to you. Nothing is more than a turn off for me than listening to Keith Urban sing “baby you’re my better half”. BE YOUR OWN WHOLES PEOPLE! YOU AND ONLY YOU ARE YOUR BETTER HALF!                                                     
8. I have had gastrointestinal issues throughout my life and have anxiety directly attached to the fear of not being able to control these issues when they arise. I’m working on it. I don’t want to be in constant fear of whether their is a bathroom readily available.                                                                                                                           
9. I LIKE A FEW DRINKS ONCE AND A WHILE. If you are looking for someone to get black out drunk with, count me out. It’s not that I hate drinking, I just don’t really like it that much. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people assume that I don’t like to drink. I just like to drink less than the average person. I like remembering things. I also don’t like hangovers. Sometimes the taste of alcohol is appealing but if you put an alcoholic beverage in front of me and a coffee, 9 times out of 10 I’m picking the coffee. No judgement here if you like to drink more than I do, you do you, I’ll do me.                                                                                                                                
10. I am extremely self conscious about my acne. It’s getting better and I’m growing in that facet of my life but I would be straight up lying if I said that it didn’t consume most of my summer.                                                                                                                      
11. Assume no malice. This is definitely the best thing I have learned from my current boss. It’s the idea that as people, we can’t just assume peoples intentions by their actions. Just because someone acts a certain way, doesn’t mean they had the intention for you to get upset or offended. I personally had to learn this. It took a long while. Assuming no malice has drastically helped me depersonalize other people’s behavior. It also ties into the idea that we shouldn’t attach our expectations onto other people because we don’t all live by the same expectations, nor do we need to.                                                                                                                                             
12. My friend group is small and that’s completely okay with me. Quality vs. Quantity. If you are in my friend group, I both adore you and love you whole heartedly.

I could go on and on and on and on. But I won’t.

When I first started this blog months ago, I struggled to figure out what to call it. I decided on Authentic Empath because one of my goals was to work on being Authentic. I generally think that I struggle with being authentic and that I just try to adapt myself to every situation to make it easier for others. I’m done doing that! I am NOT who other people say I am. YOU are not who other people say you are. We all get to choose who we are!

Time For an Exercise:

#1 is easy. Be on the lookout for a word that you are going to carry through 2019. Write it down somewhere.

#2 Make a list of your quirkiest dreams that you’ve had for sometime and have been too ashamed to share. If your feeling self conscious, let me help you by sharing some of mine.

1. I want to dance on Paul McCartney’s piano as he sings “Drive My Car”. In my wildest dream it makes sense since we both have the same birthday-June 18th.
2. I want to be a songwriter.
3. I want to be a radio host.
4. I want a nice home that I pay for myself.
5. I want to sing with Toby Keith.
6. I want to write a book (or several).
7. I want to do something that touches lots of people whether that be my blog, a podcast, etc…I want to teach others all the things that I know or want to learn.
8. I want to live somewhere else.

In Case you were interested here’s the link to the Brene Brown Ted Talk ——->

 

In Closing,

A final thought for today’s blog post is that I will continue to post as I feel inspired. I won’t apologize for being a less frequent poster than other bloggers. I don’t want to fill my blog with posts that I am not passionate about just to meet a deadline or a word count. Know that every post comes from passion.

Sincerely,

2019, Vulnerable

 

“Everything You Believe is Upside down & Backwards”

“Everything you believe is upside down and backwards”- Carol Howe, A Course In Miracles teacher.

Shell shocked much? Probably.

But its true… Until now, you probably haven’t stopped to think about why you have your beliefs about certain things. You also probably don’t stop and think too often about how your family beliefs consumed you before you were able to form your own.

Classic Examples: “That person’s out of your league.” “Some people are prettier than others.”

THESE ARE REFERRED TO AS LIMITING BELIEFS!! So why do we limit ourselves? We have been taught from a young age that this is just plain old fact. But it ain’t.

Where does A Course In Miracles come in?

A Course In Miracles was developed in the 1970s by Dr. Helen Schucman as a curriculum (self study program) for anyone and everyone to access as a Foundation For Inner Peace or a spiritual transformation as Wikipedia lovingly puts it.

Back to it. So A Course in Miracles is a curriculum built around spiritual transformation. The objective of this program is for the participant to gain awareness of love’s presence.

How to get a hold of it? There are many options. The original comes in a set of three books:

1. The Text
2. Workbook for Students
3. Manual for Teachers

 

Other options:

Marianne Williamson’s version of A Course In Miracles (Famously talked about on Oprah, she is also the author of A Return to Love which I mentioned in my last post.)

Various other books and YouTube videos.

Tons and tons of people have made a living and provided free resources as professional teachers of A Course In Miracles.

Me: I was originally told about this course from a coworker who had restarted the curriculum from a book. FUN FACT: You can repeat this course as many times as you want!!!

After almost 6 months, I decided to start through short YouTube videos. They are very condensed and are easy to follow.

I chose Carol Howe’s YouTube videos. As of right now, I have done the first 12 lessons.

Important Note: These lessons are actually meant to be taken lightly. As Carol firmly states “practice these lessons, don’t judge them”. It is also important to note that when practicing these lessons, no exceptions or exclusions can be made or the course is virtually useless. You need to come at this with an open heart and accept that you may not like all the principles; they could even anger you. That’s OK. Don’t spend a lot of time on the principles in a days time. Most lessons only require practicing 3-5 times for 2 minutes each time, in a 24 hour period. It is in your best interest to not tackle more than one principle at a time. It’s a lot to take in. Let yourself sit with each lesson for at least 24 hours; take more time if need be.

Definition of Practice: Applying lessons in your daily life. If you choose to listen to Carol like I did, she gives examples during each lesson on how to implement practice. 

An underlying tone that Carol repeatedly emphasizes is that Joy + Peace + Understanding have to all coexist. You cannot have one without the other. In her words, if you do not possess all of three things, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING”.

Recap:

A Course in Miracles is a curriculum meant for those who seek Spiritual Transformation.

It can be digested through many means; book, YouTube video, teacher etc…

They are meant to be practiced not judged

Practice 3-5 times per 24 hour period in 2 minute increments

1 lesson per day

Joy + Peace+ Understanding

Word to the Wise: Take notes no matter the format you use. They are very helpful for reflection especially if you want to remind yourself of past lessons. 

I will leave you with the first lesson of A Course In Miracles as well as a link to the YouTube video series that I choose to use and A Course in Miracles official website address.

 Lesson One: Nothing I see in this room means anything

 

Official Website: https://acim.org/

 

40 Books, 1 Year

Hey You!

I hope you are doing well. I hope this holiday season is treating you well. If not, I have compiled the list of 40 books I read in the last year! Yes, 40… If nothing else, you can ease your mind by picking up and reading one of the many books on my list that cover a multitude of different themes.

First off, some of my book suggestions are self help, some are just fictional stories, a few are work related and so on and so forth. To make this easy, I’m going to start with my favorite books from the year.

Top 8 Favorite Reads of the Year:

#1 The Finnish Way by Katja Pantzar

This lovely book dives deep into the Finnish culture. A culture that is relaxed, calm and puts self care first.

#2 The Empath Experience by Sydney Campos

Sydney shares her most amazing knowledge about going through life as an empath and what that looks like and what you can do to make the most of it.

Side note: Sydney Campos is a great insta follow and she hosts a podcast called “Visionary Souls”. 

#3 The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

This astonishing book touches the internal soul of each person.

#4 Mastering The Human Experience by Michael Edward Bradford

In this book that YOU NEED TO GET, SERIOUSLY, it talks about the remarkable work of energy healers.

#5 A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

This one is hard because it almost takes the top spot of my favorite reads. Why you should read: It’s main purpose is to teach you how to love yourself for who you are. You were created the way you were meant to be. Everything you do to change that is artificial and meaningless.

#6 You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

The title says it all. Jen’s humor and guidance help readers become enlightened and driven to “live in abundance”.

#7 E Squared by Pam Grout

If you are looking for something fun to do, this is your book. This book is filled with energy experiments that you do. This book teaches the reader that the type of energy you manifest is the kind of energy that will appear in your life.

#8 Girl Wash your Face by Rachel Hollis

Rachel Hollis is so cool. End of story. Also awesome insta follow and business entrepreneur

I don’t have a top 10. I couldn’t decide on 2 more books to add to my list out of the 40, hard to believe I know.

Honorable Mentions: 

Fortunate Son by John Forgerty

See Me by Nicholas Sparks

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Life After Life by Kate Atkinson

On My Own Two Feet by Amy Purdy

Yes Please! by Amy Poehler

The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger

The Fame Game by Lauren Conrad

Never have I ever, my life so far without a date by Katie Heaney

I’m Glad I Did by Cynthia Well

To all the boys I’ve loved before by Jenny Han

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Bossy Pants by Tina Fey

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

American Nuremberg by Rebecca Gordon

Maus by Art Spiegelman

The Perfect Stranger by Megan Miranda

The Empath Survival Guide by Judith Orloff

Into the Water by Paula Hawkins

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson

The First Phone Call from Heaven by Mitch Albom

Ishmael by Daniel Quinn

What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro

*Emotional Detox by Sherianna Boyle- I don’t recommend this book from a personal standpoint. I found it annoying how often the author referenced her husbands affair. I know it was part of her explanation and how she was using the content but I found it over obsessive. 

Fear Less by Dean Sluyter

Bare Bones by Bobby Bones

Feeling Loved by Jeanne Segal

Missing Pieces by Heather Gudenkauf

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

The Women in the Castle by Jessica Shattuck

 

All books can be purchased through

http://www.amazon.com

http://www.barnesandnoble.com

 

Happy Reading,

Shelby

 

*Book Cover Citations-books were found using Google Search of each books title*

amazon.com

touchoffinland.com

simonandschuster.com

barnesandnoble.com

 

 

 

The Empath Toolkit (Short Version)

Hello All!

If you’re a true empath, you are going to already feel like what I’m about to explain.

I feel exhausted. Today was a good day. However, I am still exhausted.

At the end of the day, I pulled two of my coworkers aside and told them that I could feel an intense and powerful energy throughout the building. It had absolutely nothing to do with my classes or my day, I could just feel it.

What is energy?

This is MAYBE my favorite question I often get from a student who is a fellow empath. To be honest, I never quite know how to answer the question. You know when you know something? This is one of those kind of things for me. I know what energy is but I don’t quite always know how to explain it.

 

Anyway, I’m going to try in 3-2-1!

Wait a second…where is it? Your definition of energy???

I wrote it out and deleted it.

Why?

I don’t know if you are ready for this stop on our journey. Also, I KNOW I am not ready to explain to you WHAT energy is. I know it, so therefore I can’t give you an explanation that comes across as a person who only thinks they know what energy is. Look for future posts that will talk about Energy.

Hold on to your phone please!!!! There is more to this post, I promise.

*pinky*

So, back to my original story about the intense energy at my school. When I left today, all I really wanted to do was go home and eat junk food and take a nap. Before I knew about being an Empath, this was my defense mechanism for many years. Things are too intense? Take a nap. Things are too intense but I should be awake? Eat lots of unhealthy food.

This got me thinking, this time of year can be exceptionally hard for empaths. Holidays intensify our empathic senses. Then I thought, I’m going to write a short post letting you know how to take care of yourself. SELF-CARE is important people!

Here ya go:

1. Productivity and Creativity are vital for us. All I wanted to do when I got home today was take a nap. I almost did. Then I decided I would start by writing a post, no matter how bad, I figured at least I’m keeping myself busy and talking about something I enjoy talking about.
2. Protein is our friend. Empaths need to consume foods with Protein; it replenishes us. My go to is nuts.
3. Exercise. I’m not talking certifiably health nut exercise. I’m talking simple exercise that gets your body moving, your blood pumping. Suggested movements: walking, yoga, stretching, playing a sport, getting up and moving around as you watch your favorite nightly T.V. show. By all means though, if you wanna be the health nut, go right ahead. My point is that we don’t have to label our “exercise” just that, we can label it “movement or energy break”. Label it whatever seems less daunting to you.
4.  Drink lots of water. Lets be honest? What are the arguments against it other than a full bladder…
5. Take a break. Remove yourself from situations with too much stimuli. Don’t meet up with friends if you really don’t want to. Don’t force yourself to be in a space or a room if you don’t have to be. I’m giving you permission to check out, to isolate for a bit, it’s really OK as long as it doesn’t become an all the time, every day thing. People wear us out! We need time to ourselves to replenish our energy.

 

I could go on forever. I probably will in another post, but not this post.

My parting words of advice to you, set aside time to do 3 things during the day that replenish you, make you feel productive and creative. I’m doing it.

Tonight’s schedule includes: Writing a blog post, reading and practicing my guitar. I have set the same goal every night for the last few weeks to try and do 3 things at night that I enjoy. It’s helped me sustain my energy. I hope you can do the same.

 

All my love,

Shelby

 

Word to the wise: engage in your self care practices and 3 things before doing all the things that your brain tells you, “you have to do”. Laundry, dishes, dinner etc…can be very draining. Do something for yourself first. I promise you will end up having more energy to bring to those tasks later. 

The Doctor Show Effect

*Cue The Resident, Grey’s Anatomy, ER, Chicago Med, The Doctors, The Good Doctor, Botched, House and any other doctor show you can think of *

This week’s topic is one in which I have wanted to talk about for a looooooong time.

As a teenager, I was sick a lot. Throwing up. For the longest time I thought I had food allergies or that something was wrong. Nope. Anxiety…..

Along with that, I was also characterized as a hypochondriac. Hypochondriac= someone who thinks they are sick with everything.

Hypochondriac= me in a nutshell. Or at least that’s what I thought.

It wasn’t until I learned about being an empath that I learned about the different types of empaths. One really stuck out to me – a physical empath. This type of empath is the kind of person who can absorb others’ pain and feel pain as if it was happening to them even if its not. I’ve read that certain physical empaths can unknowingly absorb pain from a stranger who is ill, if the person is in close proximity.

Fast Forward to now. It took me a WICKED long time to realize that I am this type of person; a physical empath.

“The Doctor Show Effect”

When I learned I was a physical empath, I also learned that T.V. shows have a big impact on me, especially Doctor shows. Why? Doctor shows (whether real or not) address and show physical pain. When I watch these shows, I all of a sudden feel like I have symptoms of what the person in the show is experiencing. It’s like I’m absorbing the pain through the television.

Moral to this story: I can’t watch Doctor shows without the above happening to me.

How about Real life Shelby?

Definitely. If I was able to vocalize to every human being, I would tell each and every one of them to PLEASE REFRAIN from telling me about their physical ailments!!!

Don’t even get me started on blood clots and heart attacks. I feel like I’m suffering from one of these two things almost every day. Due to my physical empath nature, I am also convinced a lot of the time that I know what these illnesses feel like.

Sorry if I offend you, this is just my experience^.

Short Story:

I once had a boss who started having shortness of breath. She had to go to the ER. Turns out she had a blood clot in her lungs. I also know many other people who have had blood clots. Hence why I think I’m so caught up on blood clots.

Some may walk away from this post thinking I am still just a hypochondriac. My hope is that maybe you can walk away from this post feeling a little more educated.

Yes I am an anxious person. Yes I am an empath. Yes I have the ability to feel pain that is not mine.

 

Not sold yet? Take this online quiz and read this resource to help you out!

Are You a Physical Empath?

 

Photo Courtesy of  TVGuide.co.uk News

“The enemy of my enemy is actually my friend” wise words of Dwight K. Shrute and also the non-political title for this discussion about the Media and Trump

I’m going to surprise you with this post! You will understand if you stick with me.

1. Did I vote for Trump? No.
2. Do I hate Trump? No. I don’t personally know him and don’t feel that I can use such a strong word to describe someone I don’t know.
3. Are all his ideas bad in my opinion? No.
4. Is the execution of his ideas often bad in my opinion? Yes.
5. Am I republican? No.
6. Do I find myself defending Trump sometimes? Yes
7. Do I find myself defending the media sometimes? Yes
8. Do I believe that the media’s job is to report facts freely without fear of persecution? Yes.

 

Okay. Let’s get a couple things out in the open…This is NOT a political post. My personal beliefs should have no effect on how you take this information in because honestly, they are not the point of this story; however the perspective helps.

I did not vote for Trump; the two reasons being: 1. we share a different view point on how to fix and take care of issues in our country 2. I don’t like how I see him treat or talk about other people. Simple as that.

Having said this, I wholeheartedly understand why people voted for him. I also understand why people voted for Hilary. Both are representatives for different ways of doing things for our country and they prioritization of beliefs is different and they have some differing beliefs.

*Relevancy please*. No matter what political affiliation you are a part of, we all know that it is a FACT that the Media and Trump do not get along. I would have to disagree with Mr. Trump and his label of “Fake News” and argue that “Bias News” may be more accurate. I digress.

Two things:

The media: Trump says a lot of “off the cuff” remarks on a daily basis that are always recorded. Case in point: He gives the media a lot of material to work with. He is unlike most recent presidents in his non-traditional way of conducting business as commander in chief; making for an easy story.

Trump: No matter what he says, it is always used against him. He is a human being. What kind of human being he is, is up to your discretion. Regardless, he is still a human being no matter what job title he has. As a human, he is followed around tirelessly, when he makes a mistake- it is captured. If he tries to fix the mistake, he is criticized for not doing whatever it was in the first place.

Okay Shelby…Is this still the authentic empath blog or what….

Yes. Very much so.

As an empath, I have the marvelous existence of being able to put myself in other peoples shoes. In any social situation, I can do this. It is exhausting. Sometimes this can be helpful. Other times this can be a stick in the mud where I feel too bad for people who I shouldn’t.

PUTTING MYSELF IN THEIR SHOES:

The media: If I were the media, I would think “Heck yeah, Trump gives us a lot to work with on a regular basis. It’s his own fault for not shutting his mouth.”

Trump: If I were Trump, I would be aggravated with the media and their incessant capturing of my mistakes. If I were Trump I would think “Geez people, damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Have you ever made a mistake? Because you’re quick to judge me on mine.”

The Megyn Kelly’s, John McCain’s, and anyone else who has felt attacked by Trump: If I were them I would think “the things he says are not okay. They are mean spirited and if he doesn’t have anything nice to say, he shouldn’t say anything at all. He was very hurtful in the comments he made”.

Trump’s Children and Wife: If I were them, I would think, “The media won’t let up. They talk about us quite a bit. Have they ever thought about how it makes us feel when they say the stuff that they do?”

 

Shelby brain during the Trump vs. Jim Acosta debate:

“Trump looked really mad. His party just lost the house in the midterms. Jim Acosta is asking his questions too many times. Why won’t he give up? Oh…Trump’s getting irritated. Can’t blame him. Acosta’s not letting up. This is Acosta’s job though. Oh great things are getting heated. Trump that is no way to treat other people. A woman is grabbing the microphone from Acosta. Acosta should have the right to stay in the white house. Trump should have the right as president to move onto another question if he wants to.”

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My point: In my unique experience as an empath, I take in too much information on most days, making my head spin. The news is a big trigger (which it is for most empaths). No matter what the headline is or the facts of the story, I can always see where the media is coming from. I can always see where Trump is coming from. No matter where I stand politically and morally, I can understand where each side is coming from and the factors that contribute to them. ^ The Shelby brain story gives you a glimpse into how I take two sides in while watching a situation unfold.

What I want you to learn from today’s blog

• Learn to see all the sides of a situation while feeling confident in your belief system. This is one of those “you can have your cake and eat it too” scenarios. You can be both things 🙂
• The news is a big trigger for empaths because the context of the stories heightens our intuitive emphatic sensitivities. Limiting your input of news is preferable.
• We are all human. Period. We should treat each other like we are humans. Period.
• Stop and think the next time you use the word Hate. Do you really feel an intense and passionate dislike for someone or something? as Merriam Webster defines. Especially for people you don’t know personally.
• Seeing all perspectives is a good thing. It means you are able to drift in and out of different social groups because you get it. You just get it.
• That getting caught up in the “my belief is better than yours or who I voted for is better than yours” is just complete and UTTER CRAP! Are our beliefs important? Heck yeah. Are how we choose to conduct ourselves important? Also Heck Yeah. It is not our business what other people believe or what they think of our beliefs. What we do a.k.a. “how we live out our beliefs and values” is the most important thing in our life. Arguing one way or another serves no purpose. Sure, argue all day about who the better candidate is, then come back and tell me how much “being right” improved your inner being. 
• Being Right serves no purpose whatsoever. Except to start arguments, continue an argument, end an argument and close you off from people who do not think the way you do. So what?  Stop trying to be right!!! Believe what you believe and move on. It’s not your business what others believe. We are all human, treat others (even those you disagree with) as humans.
• As humans, most of have most of the same beliefs and values (with a few exceptions). Our political party affiliations just showcase the priority in which we place these beliefs and values. We are more alike than we are different.

 

With all my empathic love and seeing of all sides,

Shelby

P.S.- Start paying attention to how often you make “being right” the focal point of your discussion. I promise that you will be amazed at how much you do it and how much better you feel when once you are able to train yourself not to do that. It takes a lot of work, but you can do it! 

So…You’re an Empath. Now lets get down to the nitty gritty.

I’ve already told you that you are an Empath. This is the reason you are here. If you don’t believe me, let me show you.

Empaths are often characterized as being “old souls”. These old souls are able to feel every emotion around them. Sound familiar?

Empaths strive tirelessly in every situation to try and fix everything and to understand every aspect and every thought of every person who comes in their contact. Sensory input much?!

We also have an ongoing need to take space from people. Why is this? Whether we want to or not, we often absorb everyone else’ energy (a.k.a. sponge) and without realizing it, we can become exhausted from it. Phew…It is a lot to take on the energy of every single person when we have our own energy to deal with.

Back to taking space. We often need space to recharge (squeeze our sponge until it’s dry if you are looking for a metaphor). Our sponge gets so full, so quickly, that we have to take space and refrain from human interaction because one more drip of water in our sponge is not possible.

Still not sure.

• You have an uncanny ability to know how to the fix everything but the universe won’t allow you.
• You see everything for what it is, but can only help people who are willing to accept your help.
• You understand the gravity of every situation.
• Your brain never shuts off.
• People who need a lot of emotional support are attached to you and attached to working out their problems with you.
• People trust you with their emotions.

 

…*mic drop

Still unsure? Here are some book resources to help you navigate the Empath world.

“The Empath Experience” By Sydney Campos

“The Empath Survival Guide” By Judith Orloff

“Mastering the Human Experience: Your soul’s journey on earth” By Michael Edward Bradford

—>Look for my next post where I explain what the media and Trump have to do with my own personal Empath experience.